Bristol Mod Scooter Club

Do we want any jokes or light hearted stuff on here or what ?

cant believe my joke has been removed

Let me know if thats the case and ill become the boring old fart some think I am anyway

Paul

Well I for one think a bit of humour, after all the crap weather we've had of late, goes a long way.

KEEP IT UP PAUL. Did Isay that right ? Nice to have you back online.

thats why i havn't bothered posting owt mate, i put on about a month ago simple clean joke it was removed

Paul,
It was probably me who deleted your post - for which I apologise.

We were hit by a nasty dose of the spammers the other day and I had to learn how to delete the posts and the spammers.

I'm afraid I may have inadvertently deleted your post, too.

Sorry - and we never set out to be overly officious it's just that in the face of a lot of useless nonsense being posted by people who seem to have nothing better to do than to attack pretty harmless websites, it can be difficult to be selective some times.

Please do keep posting genuine stuff and jokes.

Cheers
Norm

New Words for 2007

* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and
Then leaves.

* ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by
sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's
heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to
applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into
when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with
the kids or start a "home business".

* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE..
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it
to work again.

* ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and
file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless
paperwork and processes.

* GOING FOR A McSHIT.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're
just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your
declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a
McShit with Lies.

* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.

* AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just
Made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works
in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying
stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level
of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from
The outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH.
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!
Aa! Aa!".

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people
so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake
up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10 Pinter in
your bed instead.

* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise
At 3:00am.

* BEER COMPASS.
.gsi.gov.uThe invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after
booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live,
how you got here, and where you've come from.

* BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After
breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be
required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's Got
4 buttocks.

Bernie. Very Good, but if you`ve got time to post that at 8.40am on a Thursday morning then you`ve got too much time on your hands! Which begs the question: If I`ve got time to read it an hour later, then so have I!

Tried to post it last night, but "she who must be obeyed" had other chores for me to do.

.
.
.
OK lets lighten up, and have some piccys.....
.
.

ah Mary Quant.

..............my claim to fame from the 1960's.

In 1967, Mary Quant launched her new range of footwear called "Quantafoot". These were plastic boots and shoes with the Quant flower embeded in the plastic. Each pair of boots/shoes came with its own plastic carrier bag also bearing the Quant logo.

My school holiday job in the great Summer of '67, was to plastic weld every plastic handle to each bag for each pair of shoes- 1000 bags a day; 5 days a week for 5 weeks.

If only I knew then what I know now- these bags fetch a minimum of £50 each if you can still find them...................

Chris